So I’ve been toying around with the idea of starting up a blog for the past 30 weeks. And at week 30, here I am finally working up the courage to do so. It’s not that I hate writing – it’s both a passion and part of my career. I’ve had a nagging thought – what do I know about pregnancy or motherhood? Well, nothing. But not many of us do know what it feels like us until we’re put in the position where we start counting the growth of our little one by weeks. So consider this an open invitation into my pregnancy and mommyhood thoughts. (Also, DISCLAIMER: Every pregnancy is SO different, this is my experience which may differ from yours)
The past few months have been slightly insane in terms of change. If you know me, you know I overanalyze a lot. So it’s only fitting that my first post is an ode to the top 5 irrational pregnancy fears I’ve had throughout my journey. Also, you’ll see my corresponding calming thoughts, which I hope will help other mommys in my place.
Irrational Pregnancy Fear #1: Why is my body breaking down?
So at first, it’s all glamourous. You see the little positive sign on the pregnancy stick and think – this is going to be such a beautiful journey! Then you get hit with your first wave of nausea, only to realize this is going to last for the next 14-16 weeks. There’s a general rule of thumb that says nausea and the initial symptoms end after the first trimester, clearly my baby laughs at these rules. After the sickness, nausea, and feelings of lethargy become routine, next come the aches & pains – not just regular aches & pains. I experienced my first few migraines while pregnant, leg cramps that literally made me jump out of bed in pain, and a few more fun things. My biggest enemy so far? Relaxin. That mofo of a hormone prepares your body for childbirth which means it loosens your ligaments, which in turn loosens proper support of your bones, making room for your uterus. In short it hurts, and has left me wondering a few times why I’m breaking down. (Dramatic, but this is my blog so whatever.)
Calming Thoughts: Your body is doing SO MUCH WORK. I roll my eyes at people when they think pregnancy is easy on a woman – your body is literally doing God’s work. Every little bit of pain, every ligament loosening is preparing you for one of the greatest miracles – the birth of a human life.
Irrational Pregnancy Fear #2: Raising A Kid. How the hell am I gonna do that?
Yea, so in theory, parenting sounds great. But when you look at it on a granular level it’s complicated AF. I wonder all the time, how will I teach her the right values and morals? How will I check for understanding or know they’ll resonate? For the first time ever, I won’t be fully in control of something thats an extension of myself – and that’s a scary thought.
Calming Thoughts: Spoiler Alert! No one really has a clue either. The beauty of raising your first kid is that you don’t have to know all the answers. It’s experiential. As long as you do your best, parent with love and purpose – you will do fine. There will be ups and downs, but it will be worth it.
Irrational Pregnancy Fear #3: Will I lose my sense of self?
This is a huge concern of mine. I love my space and career and am obsessed with my husband. I’ve always wanted to have a few offspring, so the plan was never to be DINKS (dual income, no kids). My fear here is to not be able to have my own life after having a kid and becoming a helicopter mom.
Calming Thoughts: In our society, there is a lot of pressure to be a perfect mother. I think some people find that synonymous with devoting your life to your child. Granted, I don’t know the inherent love that will come about, but I don’t believe in shutting down the other parts of my life. Shoutout to my favorite pregnancy book “Bringing up Bebe” that addresses this issue and more. I imagine part of dealing with postpartum is making sure you heal mentally and emotionally and take care of yourself physically, me to my future self!
Irrational Pregnancy Fear #4: Labor. I can’t even.
Labor isn’t an irrational pregnancy fear, it’s the most rational of all my fears. Labor is long – I realized it can sometimes even take even longer than 24 hours (I know.. I’m a rookie, bear with me!). Plus, physically – it’s painful. I’m purposely not googling birthing videos because I’m not into scary movies – labor included.
Calming Thoughts: Um, are there such things as calming labor thoughts? First and foremost, the #1 most important thing is the health and well-being of the baby. As for me, I’ve read about relaxation techniques, took a prenatal yoga series, but I’ve realized the one thing that calms me down is history. Generations of women have done this, as do many people around the world in lesser sterile conditions. I gotta (wo)Man Up and remember the only way to get done with it, is to get through it. So everyone wish me luck, when it goes down. (Thank you in advance!)
Irrational Pregnancy Fear #5: Bye Free Time, Hello TONS OF NEW RESPONSIBILITY!
I’m one of those people who is perfectly happy sitting at home with tacos and binge-watching a new HBO or Netflix series. Examples of my free time:
- I finished the first 5 seasons of Game of Thrones in about 1.5 weeks.
- Wining & dining is my fave thing – I’m a Yelp elite. I live to eat and review.
- Favorite past time in the world: Going to Barnes & Nobles buying a new book, then reading said book.
Also, the amount of responsibility the new baby will require is mind-boggling.
Calming Thoughts: This is more anticipatory change than it is a fear. I know it’s going to be hard work, but to be honest – my husband and I are up for the challenge. Raising a kid is no easy feat, but with the right support system in place, we’re welcoming this new phase with open arms.
So there you have it.. my irrational fears. I’m sure once we meet our little girl, these fears will fly out the window. A main reason why I wanted to start this blog, is I realized there is a lot of information about pregnancy out there – overwhelming to a certain degree. If sharing my experience, comforts someone along their journey, then I’ll consider this a success.
Am I crazy? Are these common fears? Comment below – I would love to hear what you have to say!